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Dog Jokes

Who does not like a good joke?  So, what about some dog jokes?

  • Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs.”
    “That’s odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”
    Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. “Two dogs, please,” says one.
    The vendor is pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excitedly, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their ‘dogs’. Hot-Dog-Dog-Costume1
    The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, “What part… did you get…?”
  • If you can start the day without caffeine,
    If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
    If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
    If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
    If you can overlook when people take things out on you,
    If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
    If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
    If you can conquer tension without medical help,
    If you can do all these things, ……………Then you are probably the family dog.
  •  Late one night a burglar broke into a house. He froze when he heard a loud voice say, “Jesus is watching!” Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward.
    “Jesus is watching!” the voice boomed again. The robber stopped dead in his tracks and frantically looked all around. He spotted a parrot in a cage.
    “Was that you?” asked the burglar. “Yes,” answered the parrot.
    The criminal sighed in relief and asked, “What’s your name?”
    “Clarence,” said the bird.
    “That’s a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?”
    “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”

    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and  asked her what their names were.
    The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named  Timex.
    Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

     ”HellOOOooo,” answered the blond. “They’re watch dogs .”

If you have a good dog joke, send it in, so we can post it for you.

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